I am so hungry right now and none of this goddamn fucking healthy shit is doing anything. Headache. Shakes. Stomache.
I know its wrong but I crave something filthy. Pizza, steak or burgers. Ugh. Its becoming too much. Must resist.
Wednesday 15 August 2012
Monday 13 August 2012
A Quickie
Just some observations, lessons learnt recently:
1) Low calorie ready meals are low calorie for a reason. i.e they taste like shit.
3) Finding food that fills you at the time but also 3-4 hours later whilst sticking to a calorie controlled diet still eludes me. Even if i somehow manage to squeeze in some kind of carbs in there somewhere it still makes no difference.
4) Weight Watchers on the internet might be shit as hell but their low calorie chocolate bar snacks (only 2 points for them) are utterly delicious and with a cup of tea taste amazing.
5) where as before I would find myself to the point of shaking from hunger if I didnt eat anything by mid morning at work I now can not eat either at all (still get a bit shakey) or til later on. Progress? Progress.
6) I need to get my ass into gear and stop being lazy so that I can actually exercise. Its all well and good sorting out the diet but I think to actually lose weight I need to do something!
1) Low calorie ready meals are low calorie for a reason. i.e they taste like shit.
3) Finding food that fills you at the time but also 3-4 hours later whilst sticking to a calorie controlled diet still eludes me. Even if i somehow manage to squeeze in some kind of carbs in there somewhere it still makes no difference.
4) Weight Watchers on the internet might be shit as hell but their low calorie chocolate bar snacks (only 2 points for them) are utterly delicious and with a cup of tea taste amazing.
5) where as before I would find myself to the point of shaking from hunger if I didnt eat anything by mid morning at work I now can not eat either at all (still get a bit shakey) or til later on. Progress? Progress.
6) I need to get my ass into gear and stop being lazy so that I can actually exercise. Its all well and good sorting out the diet but I think to actually lose weight I need to do something!
Saturday 11 August 2012
Absence makes the heart grow stronger?
Aha! I am back :) it took a little longer than I thought it would to get back into the blogging side of things. A couple of weeks ago I took a full week off work. It meant that I basically moved into my boyfriends house for a full week of relaxing and fun. No way in hell was I going to count calories that week. Nuh huh. So I took the opportunity to eat what I liked again. I wouldn't call it a total binge, it wasn't like I sat and ate til I exploded but still, I ate well! Japanese twice in the week, pizza, roast dinners and lush home cooked meals. It was incredible. Dreamy. Amazing.
As always with brilliant times, they do have to come to an end. On Monday I came back into the diet game with a lot of trepidation. To say that I despised every moment leading up to me going back to work and essentially back on the diet would be an understatement. The usual things made me realise that I had to keep at it: the stupidity of not having my clothes size in any stores, cruising through peoples tumblr and pintrest pages to see all the pics are of those people of slimmer persuasion and the discovery of pictures of me from as fat back as 2007.
This week has been a little less regimented than my first week. Instead of being so harsh on myself and trying to eat things I "thought" I should be eating, I relaxed a little bit. My app made it easy to add together calories and find out the calories of things where I couldnt easily get to the packaging (sausage cobs from the work canteen etc). I think Ive been shocked this week as to how some things have less calories that I thought and some things had more. I kept my meals much smaller than before, decided this month to go for low calorie "ready meals" and then supplement them with vegetables (instead of before when i was trying to have just plain chicken (actually stupidly high calories)). I was a touch more lax on the daily target and I found that it has really worked. Everything in moderation and a loose grasp of the amount I should be eating.
The next step for me is more exercise. I walk 20 minutes to and from work every day, which I think is pretty sweet for cardio but I want something to complement that. Something extra. Im not sure whether to go for more cardio or to do something different like yoga or pilates. The only thing missing from my current bid to lose weight now is the extra exercise! I can do this! I want to walk into a shop and KNOW I can buy something off the rail without having to ask if they have my size or knowing that there is no hope in hell they have it.
As always with brilliant times, they do have to come to an end. On Monday I came back into the diet game with a lot of trepidation. To say that I despised every moment leading up to me going back to work and essentially back on the diet would be an understatement. The usual things made me realise that I had to keep at it: the stupidity of not having my clothes size in any stores, cruising through peoples tumblr and pintrest pages to see all the pics are of those people of slimmer persuasion and the discovery of pictures of me from as fat back as 2007.
This week has been a little less regimented than my first week. Instead of being so harsh on myself and trying to eat things I "thought" I should be eating, I relaxed a little bit. My app made it easy to add together calories and find out the calories of things where I couldnt easily get to the packaging (sausage cobs from the work canteen etc). I think Ive been shocked this week as to how some things have less calories that I thought and some things had more. I kept my meals much smaller than before, decided this month to go for low calorie "ready meals" and then supplement them with vegetables (instead of before when i was trying to have just plain chicken (actually stupidly high calories)). I was a touch more lax on the daily target and I found that it has really worked. Everything in moderation and a loose grasp of the amount I should be eating.
The next step for me is more exercise. I walk 20 minutes to and from work every day, which I think is pretty sweet for cardio but I want something to complement that. Something extra. Im not sure whether to go for more cardio or to do something different like yoga or pilates. The only thing missing from my current bid to lose weight now is the extra exercise! I can do this! I want to walk into a shop and KNOW I can buy something off the rail without having to ask if they have my size or knowing that there is no hope in hell they have it.
Tuesday 24 July 2012
:(
Its been over a week now since I started this diet and I can safely say I fucking hate it. No satisfaction from food. Always in a state of in-between. Never quite full but not particularly hungry. Blurgh. I miss carbs dearly (there literally isn't enough calories in the day to accommodate them and when there is the minute portions are barely worth the save).
I've developed a kind of listless emotion towards eating. Like a "what is the point?" kind of an attitude. Dangerously close to ED (in my mind). Last night I ate dinner because I got to the point where I was shaking so bad it was annoying not because I wanted what I was making.
I am really not sure how to counteract these feelings. Perhaps more research is needed to change what I'm eating to something different? Maybe I'm just being a petulant child about the whole thing but meh. I need to shake this attitude because its got to the point where I'd just rather not bother eating if it's not something I want :(
Monday 23 July 2012
An app!
Have been made aware of an app this morning that can help track calories and supposed weight loss. Being someone that doesnt own a set of scales, and therefore was going to track weight loss by looseness of clothing, turned my nose up at it.
After a little bit of thought I figured that there's no harm in having somewhere to store how many calories I've had and how many I have left. In fact if its going to add stuff up then I am totally up for at least trying it!
.....which is when I became instantly enthralled. Suddenly my walk to work gives me 190 calories (which I don't intend to use) and I can individually add up ingredients and and and wow. Its a great little device! ^_^
Saturday 21 July 2012
Its the simple things
I spent a little time deciding on what I was going to cook on Friday night. I wanted something that didnt give off the "died vibe" because it was for me and my boyfriend. After a little while scouring through some recipe websites (something I did before I went on a diet because for some reason I hate cooking but adore looking at recipes and cooking programs) I came up with a low calorie version of jambalaya. It looked like a pretty easy cook and something I know that my other half would love. All I had to do was ensure that the amount of cayenne pepper I added was as mild as mild can be.
Safe to say that I totally failed on that front. Whilst I could barely eat a few mouthfuls the boyfriend managed to yam his and the rest of mine :P on the plus side he loved it. Which is essentially why I cook in the first place but it meant that I was sat there with no food eaten and still hungry as hell. Taking into account that I didnt use my lunch calories earlier in the day (combination of late lunch and me figuring that I might as well just eat my afternoon snack instead) I wanted to go for something a little crazy. In the end I had swiss cheese and chorizo sandwich on tiger bread. Oh my days. It was just devine.
In my previous entry I was saying just how I rely on food heavily to make me feel good and to satisfy me in some way. Well last night was no exception. That sandwich was almost like a loving hug, it lifted my mood, it made me feel amazing and afterwards I managed to have great sleep. Its going to be very hard to diet whilst I still rely on these kind of feelings from food. I do adore vegetables but there is no way that a 500 calorie veggie and protein healthy meal is going to make me feel as amazing as that damn sandwich did >.<
Oh well. Still onwards, still upwards. I managed to have the sandwich and still stay even with calories which I think is a bit of a success. Also; no hunger. :) love how yesterday I had my snack for lunch and I was totally happy with that! Its certainly not something I want to make a habit of but its nice to know that cutting down even more calories is certainly something thats doable! :)
Safe to say that I totally failed on that front. Whilst I could barely eat a few mouthfuls the boyfriend managed to yam his and the rest of mine :P on the plus side he loved it. Which is essentially why I cook in the first place but it meant that I was sat there with no food eaten and still hungry as hell. Taking into account that I didnt use my lunch calories earlier in the day (combination of late lunch and me figuring that I might as well just eat my afternoon snack instead) I wanted to go for something a little crazy. In the end I had swiss cheese and chorizo sandwich on tiger bread. Oh my days. It was just devine.
In my previous entry I was saying just how I rely on food heavily to make me feel good and to satisfy me in some way. Well last night was no exception. That sandwich was almost like a loving hug, it lifted my mood, it made me feel amazing and afterwards I managed to have great sleep. Its going to be very hard to diet whilst I still rely on these kind of feelings from food. I do adore vegetables but there is no way that a 500 calorie veggie and protein healthy meal is going to make me feel as amazing as that damn sandwich did >.<
Oh well. Still onwards, still upwards. I managed to have the sandwich and still stay even with calories which I think is a bit of a success. Also; no hunger. :) love how yesterday I had my snack for lunch and I was totally happy with that! Its certainly not something I want to make a habit of but its nice to know that cutting down even more calories is certainly something thats doable! :)
Thursday 19 July 2012
I can't get no...
Just like with the apple earlier on in the week I am finding more and more disappointing meals/snacks. It takes so much time counting the calories, putting stuff together, knowing what you have left til the end of the day and when it finally comes around to eating it you are left so unsatisfied. Take for example dinner today; I was so frigging looking forward to it, planning had gone into making up the calories of the meal, weighing everything out, it even looked pretty fucking good. Halfway through and I was more than gutted. I mean it tasted ok and all but....it just lacked something. Sure enough within a couple of hours I was already restless and wondering if I had counted wrong earlier and perhaps I had enough for a snack.
Perhaps its more of a mindset that I have to break. Instead of seeing food as what it is, nourishment, I see it more as pleasure, as satisfaction and as comfort. I think this is probably going to be a toughie to beat out of myself if I ever want to succeed at this diet. I don't see any room for true blissful pleasure whilst dieting. Everything seems cut off.
More things learnt:
Perhaps its more of a mindset that I have to break. Instead of seeing food as what it is, nourishment, I see it more as pleasure, as satisfaction and as comfort. I think this is probably going to be a toughie to beat out of myself if I ever want to succeed at this diet. I don't see any room for true blissful pleasure whilst dieting. Everything seems cut off.
More things learnt:
- A lot of calories on packages are counted in 100grams. It appears that 100grams is a ridiculous amount of food to me. I had 170g of rice with my meal today and it took all of 5-6bites to consume. If that.
- I don't find myself dizzy or with a headache any more! Thinking after this week I should take down some calories and start exercising to complement it.
- Variation. I need to find more variation, I have a terrible habit of being lazy and just trying to eat the same things over and over, thinking this could be the reason behind the boredom. Alas I now have the challenge of trying to find energy to spend hours combing through snacks/meals and their calorie worth.
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