Masculinity

In my infinite wisdom (and because i pay a fucktonne more money to have it) i decided to have breakfast on the balcony in the sun this morning with my oldest and fattest rat Nemiel. This in itself is just awesome because she perches on my shoulder like a parrot and for the first five minutes of getting her out i feel a little like Pirate Kay! Avast ye scurvy dogs!

I dont know what it is about that balcony, but when the sun is shining and ive got my legs up on the other chair in my garden set i start to feel all profound and wise. No longer do i need any man in my life to make me feel complete. I am female and male enough for all my needs. I am male enough that my breakfast comprised of a can of Relentless and a microwave pizza and when my curtains broke it was me who fixed them! I even managed to forget that every time i open a jar its like a worlds strongest man competition. Oh no, in that exact moment i am the Amazonian lady. I need not these creatures to whom i have recently only experienced being coupled with as liars, cheats and bastards. It reminds me again at how proud i am that this little studio flat is all mine, how lucky i am that i can afford this place all to myself in such a nice area. That i get to sleep in a king size bed to myself, that i know such amazing people online and irl. It even dawns on me that perhaps i could stay like this for the rest of my life, i debate through my head the pro's and con's of getting married, of having a significant other, of spawning children. There are plenty of people doing it! So theres no need to join in with them! Fuck society, i shall live how i see fit...

Then a wasp lands on my foot, i scream so loud im worried afterwards that people may have thought i was being murdered. In an epic battle of dodging and weaving around the vile creature i managed to dash back inside the flat and in a heroic attempt, get the patio door closed before it flies in with me. Success! I survived...until i realise that i left my iPhone and book outside with it -.-

The spell may be broken, but at least a little of the sentiment still sticks <3

Luck \o/

This year i have been the most unlucky person i know. Fact. Everytime i think i have gotton over the last horrendous ordeal, along comes another one to fuck me over \o/ Im considering actually going on a "My Name is Earl" type mission to try and get rid of all this bad luck that is apparently following me around.

I am putting the above fact about me because before this year i dont think i was too emo/QQ. But now all i seem to be doing is moaning or whining or crying about these crazy things that just keep happening to me. So i am setting a precedent for the rest of the blog i suppose ^_^

A Quick Rundown Chronologically (for those that dont believe my words)

1) my scum bag fiance decides to tell me (by text message) that he has been taking my money but hasnt being paying the rent for the last 6 months. In 3 weeks we will be homeless...Cue him leaving for his parents and me having to find somewhere to live alone in 3 weeks. (please note, i worked everyday, he had 6weeks off for stress and depression, cause y'anno, spending ma money is hard work yo)
2) My brother (who is a paranoid schzophrenic) decides his medication isnt working...but heroin is. Cue him disappearing for a week after telling everyone someone is trying to kill him. (heart failure inc). He also tries to kill himself somewhere in there, only to be rescued by dad at the last minute.
3) My grandpa finally gives up on his 10yr battle to cancer (<3 RIP)
4) My step mum has suspected breast cancer.
5) my brother is back in the psychiatric ward.

I have come to the conclusion that i am either a cold hearted bitch or a complete robot to not have broken down yet.
Either way /roar. This is me. This is my year.